Drawing the first line
What am I waiting for? That my urge to fulfil my potential and follow my dreams is just going to one day manifest itself in unrelenting and effortless action?
As i begin to write this first official post, I remember reading that for any artist, the hardest part is putting down the first line on paper. After that, if you let it, things will flow. And it's about time! Here I am, on the brink of turning 40. I've mentioned to my therapists before that I'm just now, well into my 30's, feeling like I am becoming adult. Feeling like I have valid ideas. Feeling like I deserve to have my home, and make decisions, and be heard on my opinions and ideas. Like I am entitled and welcome to sit down at the table with my peers, coworkers, and join in the conversation. Feeling like it's ok, no, great even, to *not* follow the conservative path that my Parents would and did prescribe for me. Oh, I could go on about my parents. They meant well, but they produced a shy girl with no self-esteem and a fear of people and their judgements a universe wide. Geez, many of you would be absolutely shocked and appalled at how shy and afraid I was, and the lengths I would go to to avoid any risk of exposure.
It's taken me nearly two decades to be ready to take the leap, that leap of faith across that universe-sized crevasse toward living powerfully and regret-free. I've already started the approach, the acceleration towards the take-off point. I'm proud of that. Sure, I'll make mistakes, have failures, but even as I write that, I'm remembering how my previous mistakes have taught me something, if I allow them to, and how disasters have truly proved to be opportunities.
So, on the schedule: begin a list of accomplishments and skills and proud moments to fuel my self-esteem when I need a boost. 2nd, make a list of want-to-do's, ideas, goals.
So wow, I just drew the first line.